so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
