Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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