Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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