apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
