i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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