Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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