it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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