but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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