I wanna bring you to show and tell
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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