nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
