Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
