my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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