i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
PANTIES FOUND
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