I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize