my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
i think my cat just said my name.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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