what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
