haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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