i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
