At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
