Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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