I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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