I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize