That's when you crack a 10am beer
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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