I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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