Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Dick very happy bro
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
