I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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