did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
