Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You have to summon your inner elephant
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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