idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
