Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize