when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
