I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Someone came in the potted fern
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
