Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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