I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
