After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
