Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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