I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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