It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
