Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
