i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
