Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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