walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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