i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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