If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
