woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
