Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize