My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
