I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
