I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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