$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
