I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
