so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
