Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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