Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
