You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
