So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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