When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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