Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize