For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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