Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
