Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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