lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Send help, water and tortillas.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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