so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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