I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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