Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
