You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
