I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
