my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
