How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
