i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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