please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
