I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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