i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Randomize
