Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize