How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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