Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
