I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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