So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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