Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
