Midget sex pt 2 tonight
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
