And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
