she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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