No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
NoShamevember. You game?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
