life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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