One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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