Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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