shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
