Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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