I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
is wine microwaveable?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
