I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
No subtext here. People are naked.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize