i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
