they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
